Friday, April 29, 2005

My Favorite Doc

It's cool to see friends evolve - a high school joker turned into a NY doctor. He used to be the type that you would not take seriously as he took everything lightly. It was his playful nature maybe. He'd tell the funny stories, impersonate people, and sell the jokes.

I should say that he has grown to be a different man. He's still the funny guy; but, now, with more maturity. Determined, confident, and...serious? Hehe.I didn't think I'd be saying that about him, but ya... serious in a good way.

In the 10+ years that I've known him, he remains to be the caring friend. Quite protective really as proven by how he is always there whenever I get hurt. He has a way of keeping it real - telling me straight what I may be doing foolishly, keeping me rational when I'm over emotional.

Why am I writing about him? Hmmm. No particular reason. I guess I'm just feeling blessed to have real friends like him around - the kind that never really 'leaves'.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Lights out

I have the habit of keeping the lights on whenever I have the need to not feel alone in the dark. For the past 2 months, ever since I moved, I have been keeping it on. I guess sleep just hasn't been my friend given the physical and emotional adjustments that have been going on. Thus, it has been total bonding with my books and my lamp (a really cute one from Ikea, I should add :)).

Last night though, like a kid fighting the fear of monsters under the bed, I found the 'strength' to turn the lights off. There was total darkness, except for the gap in the curtains which let some of the moonlight in. It was a pretty serene night... and one which somewhat signifies an act of faith -- trusting that as I sleep in the dark and when I wake up in the morning, everything is going to be ok.

Monday, April 25, 2005

First Impressions

I'm working with this guy Iric on some front end screens for loan processing(how nerdy right? :) ). After exchanging couple of emails, I figured he must either be extremely busy to be cranky, or just plain unapproachable. As such, my emails are carefully worded (but of course, with that urgent tone to them whenever necessary).

I finally met him on a project meeting last week. He flew in from Manila and will be staying until Wednesday. Aloof, know-it-all, "mayabang" was what I thought. After a few meetings, though, I realize that I was wrong. He's been cracking jokes, texting with an opening line of "dear vida", and he's helping me fight the unreasonable deadlines...

On to another story... Rhea and I tried this noodle house last Friday. It's called "SilkRoad" and the beef noodle was extremely good. The lady who helped us was speaking with a Singaporean accent, so we naturally assumed that she's a local. On discussing the dessert menu though, she suddenly shifts into straight Filipino, which took us by surprise. Kabayan pala.

As Melanie Marquez would say "you can never can tell"... and "don't judge a person, he/she's not a book"... LOL. There's no better way to end this spot than that.

Friday, April 22, 2005

"Kaconniehan"

Rocks just coined that word - a new word in our dictionary which he defines as "vida being vida". Friend, you know me so well, and that word is so apt. Hahaha. I just had to put it in here. Being true to my connie self, I bid thee a temporary farewell, and a good sweet night. See you online.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

So Retro

I took a cab home last night. Just as I slipped into a comfortable slouch, this song plays on the radio. I heard it and thought "come on, you've got to be kidding". Then I just had to laugh out loud :)

Life is funny sometimes. It's full of little unexpected reminders - of a person, a place, a particular moment... This isn't the first time I've been reminded this week. Imagine reading a book and on flipping the page, the fiction hotel name just happens to be his name. Or watching TV, and one of the characters just happens to have the same name. Or a song on the radio which he introduced to you or you introduced to him.

I'm not kidding. It happens a lil often. But it's all good... All good, sweet, fun, memories which I would not trade or go to Lacuna Inc to erase :)

Fade out to that song in the cab... Wilson Philip's -- so retro, yet so very appropriate. "You're in love, that's the way it should be, coz I want you to be happy...."

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Localized

We were walking out to lunch when a tourist came up to me and asked where to find TCC. Without having to think, I pointed her to the direction of the cafe. My friend and I started laughing as we're now giving out directions instead of asking them. In a sense, we're officially "localized."

We first came to Singapore exactly 2 months ago from today. We were, then, lost along Victoria Street, trying to figure out how to get to the nearest mall, maps always in tow. We were struggling to figure out what people were saying while trying to remember to keep left (instead of right) on escalators, and to look right (instead of left or vice versa) when crossing the street.

I should say that, now, we're finally settled. We've memorized the MRT stops by heart and can instruct "uncle" to take the PIE going home. We can now easily understand the lady from San's bookshop when she asks if we want a bag. (The first time we talked to her, she had to say it thrice before we understood :)). On occassion, we even pick up on the "can can", a Chinese word, and a Malay phrase too.

In as much as the physical adjustment has completed, I'm hoping that everything else will follow. The heart is difficult to teach sometimes; the past not easily forgotten. But we're trying...

Pachelbel's Canon

Cool weekend. Citigroup sponsored an event at Fort Canning last Saturday. It was a feast - free booths for massages, foot reflexogy, henna tattoos, tarotreading, etc. Food and wine were free flowing. There was a huge turnout making the event a success.

With our mats and picnic baskets, we lay on the grass taking in the beauty ofthe afternoon. We were entertained by clowns on stilts, a fire-eater moving to the beat of the drums, and a dude walking around with a huge snake by his neck. The night ended with a movie under the stars. Very nice.

My favorite part of it all was a programme by 4 violinists. They played classical, mostly pieces by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, which was soo refreshing. Mozart's music was cool. However, there was something about Pachelbel's Canon that caught my attention the most. Maybe it was how the violins synched up or how those perfect tunes floated through the night air. I don't know what it was that touched me; but, hearing that piece that evening, earned it a prime spot on my playlist...Maybe, I'll even use it for an event I may be organizing sometime in the future (if ever that'll happen... I'm not so sure now :)).

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Without hope or agenda...

... my wasted heart will love you. It's one of my favorite lines from "Love Actually". Just finished watching it (probably, my 5th time :)). From the first time I saw the movie, that line just kinda stuck to me. I guess it is how love should be. It just is. If it is real, it thrives... an outward giving of self, without expecting anything in return.

I may have used that line once (probably freaked the other person out a lil :)). But, I really, really meant it. Through everything that has happened, I still care so much. Sometimes I ask myself why that is; I always end up without a finite answer. I think of this good analogy, though--- of a rubber band, stretched. It could never go back to it's original shape, right? In the same way, the experience has shown me how much of myself I'm capable to give. I guess I just can't switch back to loving less. That's just how it is.

I'm just thankful and blessed for the experience of loving... without hope or agenda.

Friday, April 15, 2005

TGIF

It's Friday night!! (well, 140 am Saturday actually). Just decided to write a lil before trying to go to sleep. Today's not bad. Started off with a visit to the German embassy. I attended 2 meetings, worked on 2 func specs, and read through a lot of emails. Just glad the work week is over. :)

For some reason, I started humming this Third Eye Blind tune on my way home: "And there's this burning like there's always been. I've never been so alone. And I've never been so alive"...Motorcycle drive by. My brother and I used to sing this song. We loved that part when it transitions from mellow to the drums full blast.

Singing the lyrics now...it's a lil different. I feel it more. To some extent, I guess I'm 'alone'. It's not just by being in a new place; but, also the circumstances I am in right now. Alone, but not lonely. There's a big difference. In a way, I think this is good for me. It's my time to find myself again - pick up some things I may have lost along the way. It's time to discover new things, enjoy new adventures. Meet new people. Travel more. Think less. Live more. Just be more... It's time to feel totally alive.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Quote of the Day

"True love is neither exclusively physical nor romantic. True love is the acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be"
- Fr. Vic Salanga

Who is John Galt?

Do you know? Who knows right? :)

The point is people sometimes tend to ask the unanswerable questions. We kill ourselves trying to understand what's going on, why things turned out the way they did. Sometimes, we just don't know. Things are just the way they are. That's just the way it's supposed to be. The only thing we can do is have faith - that whatever has happened, is happening, and will happen is part of this great big plan. It will all make sense eventually.

Who is John Galt?

One of the insights from "Atlas Shrugged"... more to come.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Mocha Frap

I was too sleepy this morning that I had to pass by Starbucks for some "wake me up" mocha frappucino. It's weird to be that sleepy since I got around 6 good hours of sleep last night. It's not the required 8 hours, but I'm happy with whatever sleep I can get. :)

With my new pink and green silky Aussino sheets (the best!), I was lulled to sleep by the humming of my aircon and the tick-tock of my clock. I started reading this book called "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. Really interesting stuff. Quite philosophical as it's a story about realizing one's potential and letting others realize theirs. It's written easily but the thoughts are kinda deep. Guess it's more relaxing than the Sept 11 tales which I just finished reading yesterday.

I'm so into books and writing nowadays. It's quite good actually. It's been one book after another. And, sometimes, I find myself just writing and writing until there are no more thoughts. It has been flowing like a dam broken loose :)

Back to Mocha Frap... My mocha frap buddy/surfer-cum-writer friend has been recently assigned to the Manila & Singapore IT Operations for Shell. Thus, he'll be here half of his time. Our Singapore crew is growing...Anyone else to follow? :)

Monday, April 11, 2005

For a very dear friend

As you turn a year older, I pray that all your deepest wishes come true. With Beijing happening in September, I know that this year is going to be one of big, good changes. May you find peace wherever life brings you. May you find happiness in whatever life gives you.

Thank you for being with me all these years --- sharing spinach artichoke @ Staccato, braving the Minneapolis winters, watching all the repertory plays, office over nights and over-over nights, Friday night gimiks and Sunday afternoon movies, coffee @ Starbucks, dessert @ Bizu, Out-of-town trips, batis @ Batangas, numerous trips to Sonya's Garden and most unforgettable, our ponkan escapade @ Taal Lake ;)

For laughing with me and hugging me whenever I cry. For loving me unconditionally...I can't thank you enough.

Wish I were there for your special day. Enjoy! I'm with you as I always will be.

Happy Birthday, dear! Love you. Mwah :)

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Sunday Morning

Congratulations and best wishes are in place! My cousin Rina got married yesterday. I heard the ceremony was really pretty, the food was great and the wine was flowing. Rins and Jayson, I wish you all the best. Sorry I missed your big day. I would have loved to be there. Send me pics soon, ok?
.................
I woke up with the song in my head: "Sunday morning rain is falling...I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew, that someday it will lead me back to you". I love that song as I love the person who introduced that song to me.

Anyway, it's an easy Sunday morning. Sunny. We were supposed to see the Sound of Music at the Esplanade but we ran out of tickets. So, today is going to end up as one of the usual shopping days. Looking forward to dinner at Cafe Society in Old Parliament Road. We're clueless as how to get there, but surely the cab drivers would know.

The weekend flies fast... Time flies fast... It's been almost 6 weeks since we got here. There are many changes going on with family and friends. I look back and miss the days when I go through everything with them first hand. Now, it's like I'm just hearing stories. I guess this is the downside of being far away - being absent for birthdays, weddings, or the simple everyday life.

My cousin Phoebe would say, though, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. I'd like to believe that... Let's just wait and see what Singapore has in store.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Drowning

I have this recurring dream. The first couple of times were of people I know. Then, last night, I dreamt of me submerged in water. Not sure what the dream means, but it was inspiration for this piece.

Drowning

The sea of unknowns -
Filled with life's mysteries unsolved,
and love questions unanswered.
Our past continues to haunt me...
Like waves coming back to shore
Don't know how or when it will stop.
Our future is separate...
Flowing in different directions,
Uncertain if these currents will merge again.

Me without you...
Struggling to breathe
Struggling to stay afloat
Choking deep sea salts -
... thoughts of you forgetting
... images of you not caring
Are you still with me?

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Twinkle, Twinkle

...Little Star, how I wonder what you are...the first song I heard this morning. Chinese version, no less :) I was on the train to work and this little girl started singing. From Choa Chu kang to City Hall, she was all hyper and kept exercising her vocal chords, oblivious to the people rushing about around her... Kids are really cool. They're happy even with the simplest things. Guess it's something adults should try and do.

Meggy and I were just talking about this last Sunday -- how Ateneo days were so much different from life now. Then, our concerns were: 1) where to have lunch, 2) plans to watch a movie, 3) how to catch C****c before the next class, Hehehe.. (and, I almost forgot... Accounting Mid terms). We could spend an entire day hanging by Berchman's, practicing our Spanish, laughing and just sharing stories.

Now, it's different. Somehow, as we go along, things get a little more complicated. There's work. Planning for your future. Family problems. Relationship stress. The giggling (and sleep) does not come as easy.

I post these questions: Is life really difficult that people tend to lose the childlike spirit? Is life really complicated or are we just making all the complications?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

KFC

Had KFC for dinner. Yep, no time to cook today. Lols, remember that time we tried the different funshot flavors? You got cheese. Hehehe. Weird nun... But, you know what's weird here? They don't have gravy! As in none. nada. So you gotta take the chicken as it is. I guess the gravy is just a bonus.

Guess the same goes with life. Sometimes, it comes plain -- in the same, old, daily routine. Think: SIRs, MRT rides, or 8 hour workdays... Other times, it comes with 'gravy' -- in the most wonderful, breathtaking moments. Think: elevator kisses, driving with someone special by the passenger seat, or watching leaves change colors through the fall...

Either way, we gotta take life as it comes, in whatever form it comes -- with or without the gravy.

...........

This spot goes to show that I've been thinking too much. Imagine co-relating chicken with life? Hehehe. Hey, it made sense naman ah!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Glass

So this is how glass feels like when it shatters.

Recent events have lead me to commune with broken glass. Pieces all over the place. Jagged edges... I didn't think it would hurt as much. After all this while I should've been less vulnerable, right? Wrong. I wasn't prepared for the rush of emotions. But, as with the story of most things, nothing is entirely expected or comprehensible.

The really good thing is that I know that he's in a good place. Someone is taking care of him now. He is well. Most importantly, he is happy. Somehow, that thought gives me comfort. I guess I must really love him. Knowing that he's happy is enough for me.

There's nothing else to do. Thus, I write.....

-----
I can just imagine Jem saying "kalimutan mo na yan" or Marian saying "hayyy nakuuu" with matching hand slapping forehead :) Don't worry guys, I'll take your words to heart this time. And, Lethel, I'm listening... Tabularasa.

Welcome

Welcome to my blogspot. What you will find here:
1) Singapore adventures
2) Recent Events
3) New Pieces
4) Random Thoughts, unedited

P.S. Lola, as promised, I'll start posting :)