Monday, July 11, 2005

Neon Sign

Monday Morning. I was late for work. There I was sitting in the cab, earphones plugged, I-pod keeping me entertained. This truck suddenly cuts in front of us...and there it was - in big, bold letters like a neon sign... What the? Of all the names in the world, it just had to be his plastered on the back of the truck.

I don't need reminders. I wake up every morning still with thoughts of him. I go on 'missing', not knowing how to make it stop. I try to smile and it's not even for me. It's coz he is happy. Maybe I'm the craziest fool or I'm just utterly clueless. I don't know, maybe I'm both...

Last Saturday, my mom, Rhea and I went to a ballet of the "Little Mermaid". It got to the part where the prince marries someone else. The only way the little mermaid can save herself was to pierce a dagger through the prince's heart. As she loved him so, she did not do it and she turned into foam. Maybe she's the craziest fool or she's just utterly clueless. Maybe she's both....

Love does weird things to people sometimes. It gives one life, it takes one's spirit....I guess I'm tired. It's time to rest. It's time to take the neon sign down. It's time to turn into "foam" and float away...

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Northern Lights

Song: Northern Lights

Artist: Lux

Album: Cafe del Mar - Disc 1

The scene: Carrie Bradshaw at daybreak after breaking up with Aidan. "Northern Lights" was the background music for this Sex and the City bit. It was perfect as it brings a feel of melancholy and hopefulness. Both an end and a beginning. Both "death"and life.

I keep playing it over and over. There are no words, no lyrics, yet the music touched me. In a way, this is how I am at the moment - struggling yet hoping.This is what I need right now. Hope of what? I'm not really sure.... Maybe it's hope that there is something better than this current state of emotional chaos. Maybe, it's hope that I will not run out of strength to try and keep on smiling. A friend of mine said that the world will turn better if I smile. If he is right, then, I guess I'll have to keep on trying.

The end: Carrie pulled through it and ended up happily with Big. I guess I can pull through too. But at this point, I don't wish to find "Big". I just wish to find peace.

Monday, July 04, 2005

4 Countries

During the past month, I was in 4 countries and 2 continents. I didn't realize it until Tegs mentioned it. Kinda cool I guess. Early June was Germany and that weekend in Holland. Then, it was back to Singapore... And last weekend, it was Malaysia.

Movement... Everything is so dynamic on the outside. New sights, new places, new people. Pack and go, getting one jet lag after another....On the inside, though, it's a slow flowing brook. The same currents are still running through...Weird huh...I guess we just gotta let it flow and pray that one day, it won't take this much effort to simply breathe.

For the meantime, we just gotta keep our chin up to keep from drowning... and maybe continue on planning for the next 4 countries..... Paris, France... Perth,Australia...Bangkok, Thailand and Beijing, China... How does that sound?