Friday, March 31, 2006

Rafael

There is a saying that "we are exactly where we should be". To some extent, I agree with it. Then again, there are certain moments when I question the wisdom of moving...moments like this when I want to give my brother a hug and couldn't.

I know I don't say it often enough, but I have a feeling that they'll be reading this...

To my family (most especially Rafael), I love you guys... and whatever happens, we'll work through it together.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

My I-pod Story

I have almost given up on my I-pod. After 5 or 6 songs, the battery just shuts down, even after being charged overnight. I understand that it is the natural degradation of the lithium, probably compounded by my charging habits that caused this failure. Quite frustrating really especially when a great song comes on, and I'm about to sing (or dance) to it... then silence.

I need music the moment I wake up, as I prepare for work, and before I go to sleep. I can live without tv, but not music. Thus, these constant I-pod shutdowns are a total no-no. I have been meaning to go to the store this weekend to get new batteries or worse comes to worst, a new I-pod.

On one idle night, I googled and read up on lithium batteries (yes, I can be a nerd). "How to maximize your battery life"... First point was to make sure that the software installed is the latest one. Hmm. I decided to update the software, still skeptical though, thinking that if the battery is gone, it's gone. Then, I left it to charge overnight.

It's 7:33PM and I've been using it since 8AM...and it's still working. Coolll... Now Playing: "Why" by Annie Lennox.

Just when I thought it was dead and just when I've almost given up on it, it managed to surprise me with this renewed battery life. It just needed an upgrade and some serious recharging.

Just when I was about to give up and give in, I manage to surprise myself with this renewed sense of self. I just needed an upgrade and some serious recharging.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Choices

Sometimes, we have to make difficult choices... And I guess one that I've never really made easily is the choice between letting go and holding on. The conflict of mind and heart is one that's not easily resolved. When your heart is saying 'Just Go' and your mind is pulling all the red flags and screaming 'Stop', what are you supposed to listen to?

As with making any other choice, my stand in this is that there is no right answer. It's all subjective. As long as one is ready for the consequences and there's no second guessing after, then whatever choice he/she picks is right. May not be right for another person, but right for him/her.

Historically, I've always went with my heart. So I just kept on going and going and going, without breaks... and I'd always end up crashing. You can say that I've learned lessons the hard way.

On one of my Maryland trips, my dad told me this before I boarded the plane: "The mind is placed above the heart for a reason." At that time, I never really understood the wisdom of it. But, now that the heart is tired and the tear wells are dry, I finally get it.

I had to make a choice today... and I decided with my mind.

At least this time, i managed to hang on the raft before even drowning.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Listen

How many people really do listen? The kind where you can speak freely, and you are being heard. The kind where you write your thoughts down, and people make the effort to understand.

I sent an email to one friend over the weekend and came back with a response which read "Interesting stuff...but I just didn't get it". Dude, those are my thoughts. I guess to you they don't matter; but to me, they do. The least you could do is try to "get" it. You can agree or disagree with me, that's cool. But you could have put in a little effort.

Shush, I learned my lesson. I just won't be sharing any more of myself with people who don't really care that much.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Moment...

"Each moment seems split into two...melancholy for what is left behind and the exictement of entering a new land..."-Ernesto Guevara, The Motorcycle Diaries

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Art

Sometimes, art is an escape. Movies take us through unusual situations. Music is a deviation from our lives (take for instance - "It's difficult out there for a pimp". haha)

For me, though, it's the opposite. All I've written - prose or poetry - is an accurate description of all that I am feeling at that particular moment in time. For those of you who have been constant visitors of this site, you may have noticed that I have been writing about heartbreak, pain, loss, healing, etc, etc.

But today is a different day :) I haven't written anything mushy in a while... and here goes. Guess I'm inspired. My thanks to Celine Dion. Hehe. "If you asked me to" was playing and this started to flow.

Untitled

The world spins and time flies
I look around and there you are -
Constant and caring,
Still.
Until now.

It's been too long;
You've been too far.
And I've been too lost.
Our lives separate, but intertwined.
Always.

Things change and we evolve,
Finding ourselves in a crossroad
Left or right, it doesn't matter.
You're going. I'm going.
In one direction.

Green and pink stripes,
A grecian setting and a rose garden.
This lovely scene on a beautiful night -
I'm thinking about it too.
One day.
Someday.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Left of the Middle

This is an old one from Natalie Imbruglia, but I just recently discovered it. I guess to some extent, I can relate to this song...

End of the third round
As I put the phone down
Chasing the same lines
Over the old ground
I'm pushing zero
Where is my hero
He's out there somewhere
left of the middle

And your world falls down
And you're there calling out
But it's something I can't say
Though it seems the only way
But its a game that I can't play - Not today

I got my ticket
And I got a straight road
But I'm passing the same signs
Over and over

And my world falls down
And you're there calling out
But it's something I can't say
Though it seems the only way
But its a game that I can't play - Not today

I need to tell you
Trying to get it through
It's not always easy
Left of the Middle